‘I got all of the big decisions right’ insists man who didn’t get any of the big decisions right

author avatar by 2 years ago

A man has insisted today that he got all of the big decisions right during the last two years, despite not getting any of the big decisions right over the last two years. 

Boris Johnson, who will today face MP’s for the first time since being fined by the police for attending a party in lockdown will look to defend himself in parliament later by declaring that he got all of the big calls during Covid right, despite not getting any of the big calls during Covid right. 

Speaking earlier he declared, “I got all of the big decisions right, apart from the ones I got completely wrong.

“Such as when to lock down the country for example, which almost certainly cost thousands of extra lives due to me getting it completely wrong and locking down too late.

“And all the decision making around care homes, and social care in general, which I totally fucked up on costing further needless deaths.

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“Oh and the track and trace shambles, wasting billions of pounds on something that just didn’t work, and giving out contracts to friends, and completely messing up the whole PPE situation which was a complete and utter shambles.

“Other than that I think that every single decision I signed off from my incompetent ministers was completely right and I got all the big calls were correct.”

Asked about exams and education, Matt Hancock and his decision to stand by Dominic Cummings we were told “Yes, apart from all those things as well, I got all of the big calls right.”

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