A man has been seriously injured today after completely forgetting to wear a helmet before opening the Tupperware cupboard in his kitchen.
Simon Williams, who also forgot to wear body armour, made the calamitous error earlier after forgetting that the cupboard contained three thousand precariously balanced plastic containers crammed on the shelves inside waiting to fly out and strike him as soon as he opened the door.
Speaking earlier from hospital he told us, “I didn’t stand a chance.
“I popped into the kitchen for a drink but ended up opening the cupboard next to the glasses by mistake, which had thousands of plastic containers in waiting to fly out and hit me.
“Normally I would prepare myself if I was going to go into the Tupperware cupboard with a helmet and some body armour, and try to stand to the side.
“But I totally messed it up and opened it without thinking. I’m lucky to be alive really, they just kept on falling out thousands and thousands of containers which we never even use.
“Perhaps if I didn’t stack them up uneven and quickly close the door this kind of thing could be avoided in future. Or maybe if I tidied it up into some kind of order, but I just can’t be arsed.”
Asked if he actually needs to keep EVERY single plastic dish he gets he told us, “It might come in handy one day…”