Doctor Evil to buy MySpace

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Volcano-dwelling business magnate and global supervillain Doctor Evil has announced he intends to purchase MySpace for slightly more than one million American dollars.

Evil, who first came to the worlds attention by stealing spaceships direct from orbit with a launcher of his own design, is understood to already have significant interests in finance, doomsday weapons and solar panels.

However, after his account was suspended by MySpace for posting ‘Mwa ha ha, I will kill you all’ with a picture of a genetically-grown monster, Evil became something of a hero to free-speech advocates.

“If a devilish mastermind with a lava pool full of robot piranhas wants to threaten to kill everyone in the world unless they pay an immense ransom, then social media moguls have no right to stop him,” said commenter SimoWils9749205.

“Social media is the twenty-first century’s town square, and although I never leave my basement I’m confident that if I went to a real town square I’d be able to say anything I please without consequence,” he added.

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“Yes, I do have this weird obsession with a megalomaniac who neither knows nor cares I exist. Why do you ask?”

Doctor Evil is already under investigation by authorities for his stock trading, cryptocurrency promotions and bioweapons research facilities, and it is expected his purchase will be referred to both the Securities Exchange Commission and MI6 before it is allowed to pass.