Wednesday 13 April 2022

Does this mean I can have my old job back? asks Allegra Stratton


Allegra Stratton gets her job back

After it became apparent that breaking the law during a Covid lockdown is not an offence for which you should immediately resign, former Downing Street Press Secretary Allegra Stratton has asked if she can have her old job back.

Stratton resigned in April last year after footage emerged of her joking about the ‘gatherings’ for which the Prime Minister and Chancellor have now both received a fixed penalty fine; a decision which she now regrets.

She told reporters, “I genuinely didn’t realise that completely ignoring the laws around social gatherings while thousands of British families stayed away from their loved ones, including those dying in hospital, was something you could simply ‘shrug off’.

“I thought ‘well, I better resign, because it’s jolly well embarrassing and better to go voluntarily than be fired and humiliated’. But it seems I was wrong.

“It appears you can just carry on as if nothing happened and act as if you haven’t just disrespected millions of law-abiding grieving citizens.

“Yes, it was a shock to me too. But also a pleasant surprise to be honest. Being a disgraced former Downing Street employee does leave a little mark on the old CV.

“But fortunately we can now put all that unpleasantness behind us, and I will see everyone back at Downing Street bright an early tomorrow morning. Toodle-pip.”

Meanwhile, Professor Neil Ferguson is expected to rejoin the government’s scientific advisory group tomorrow after he too learned that breaking lockdown rules is no longer a reason to lose your job.

The Conservatives Crime Family – get the new design here!

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