Wednesday 13 April 2022 by Mark Molloy

Carrie Johnson devastated to learn further fines could mean she’s forced to shop at John Lewis


Boris and Carrie

Carrie Johnson is said to be absolutely devastated today as the possibility of further fines issued to her and her husband for partying during lockdown could mean she is forced to shop at John Lewis for her future home furnishing needs.

With news emerging that both she and the Prime Minister were issued fixed penalty notices by the Metropolitan Police, with a number of other gatherings also likely to result in fines, Carrie Johnson is said to be utterly devastated by the news which could see her have to actually buy things like a peasant from places such as, God forbid, ‘Sainsburys’.

A Downing Street spokesperson confirmed, “Yes, she’s absolutely devastated.

“With the number of parties that they attended still being investigated, they are now worried about a lot more fines to come, which could lead Carrie to have to buy her monthly batch of new furniture from….. gulp… John Lewis.

“Obviously everyone is hoping that it doesn’t come to that, because she’s not a fucking peasant and deserves much better, but the financial outlay from the sheer amount of fines could make it the only option for her moving forward.

“There is also a real risk that some of the weekly food shopping may have to come from Sainsburys if things get really bad.

“If one good thing can come from this however, it does give the Prime Minister and his wife a real taste of the struggle that many families have to go through on a daily basis.

“Because shopping at these shit holes for these two is effectively like going to a food bank.”

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