Tickets still available for Matt Hancock’s seduction seminars

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Tickets remain available for Matt Hancock’s seminars on how to successfully seduce a woman.

Entitled ‘The Matt Method,’ the seminars promise ‘a comprehensive method for targeting ladies and making them yours using highly specialised seduction techniques known only to Matt Hancock.’

“Well, obviously, I can’t give too much away about my techniques, you have to come to the seminar for that,” explained the former Health Secretary, when he announced the seminars.

“But I have actually got off with a woman and touched her boobs and everything, so I do know what I’m talking about.

“In my seminar, I talk about wearing really cool clothes, impressing woman with a good knowledge of pop music, and also, my special technique of touching the woman’s bum when you get off with her because, blimey, they bloody love it when you do that.”

Simon Williams has attended one of the seminars.

“Very good. Helpful, you know. I mean, Matt’s obviously very successful with the ladies. You know, getting off with that woman in a lobby on telly that time, and he gives really good tips like staring at a woman to show her you’re confident and if you fart then just make a joke out of it because everyone does it and it’s only natural.

“I haven’t actually spoken to a woman since the seminar, No.”

Tickets for the seminars, which take place in Great Thurlow village hall, and include a free can of Heineken, are £45, reduced from £50.