Tuesday 12 April 2022

Man really misses social distancing


busy tube platform

A local man has confirmed this morning that he really misses social distancing now that the government has decided the covid crisis is consigned to the history books.

Simon Williams, an accountant from Wokingham, is back to commuting on the train, taking buses on London and sitting in a busy office surrounded by people who think nothing of coughing in his general direction, and pushing his trolley round busy supermarkets where shoppers feel compelled to lean across him within an inch of his face to reach produce on the shelves.

“This time two years ago I was on the sofa working my way through a box set of The Sopranos,” a nostalgic Williams told us.

“It’s only just midday, so I’d probably still be in my pyjamas. My work pyjamas, obviously, in case I was needed on a Zoom call – I’m not a complete slob.

“It’s a nice day, so I might have gone for a walk in the park, but keeping well away from anyone who might fancy a bit of chit-chat – it would have been glorious.

“And do you know what I wouldn’t have got a year ago? An invite to the go to the pub, where I’ll be forced to stand or sit shoulder-to-shoulder with other people who’ll probably want to talk to me so loudly I can smell their lunch.

“Sometimes I just like to sit on the bus, put my headphones in, close my eyes and reminisce about the good old days when everyone was scared they were going to die from a virulent new strain of Covid.”

Previous post:

Next post: