Saturday 2 April 2022

Disney World on verge of becoming world’s first ‘Asshole-Free’ tourist attraction


Disney World boycott

As the Fox News audience of mouth-breathing simpletons continues to call for a boycott of Disney World due to their disdain for certain Disney cartoon characters, experts say it could become the world’s first entirely ‘twat-free attraction’.

After Fox News told viewers that a PG-12 animated movie showing a 13-year-old girl experiencing the sort of things millions of 13-year-old girls experience on a daily basis was ‘woke nonsense’, thousands of viewers have decided that Mickey Mouse is a ‘virtue-signalling liberal puppet of the establishment’.

At the last count, thousands of morons have taken to social media to liken a fun day out at a theme park to the racial segregation suffered by Rosa Parks.

Non-moron father of two Simon Williams told us, “Going out for a day at almost any Disney resort certainly guarantees engaging with twats of some description, because let’s be honest, they’re everywhere – especially when there are large crowds.

“But the goods news is that this boycott could offer families like mine a genuine chance to spend a day out having fun without having to spend any time whatsoever near people who shouting terms like ‘Let’s go Brandon!’ and insisting that the first amendment gives the right to act like assholes in public.”

He went on ,”Nothing about the Disney boycott surprises me, because this particular type of twat seems hell-bent on looking for excuses to play the perpetual victim.

“They’re the biggest snowflakes around, but seemingly incapable of recognising that fact. Imagine a grown adult being upset about a cartoon? It’s actually hilarious how precious and sensitive these people are. Their lack of self-awareness just makes it funnier.”

Fox News viewer Jeb Matthews told us, “I ditched Twitter because it was nothing more than a liberal cess pit that hates free-speech, and now I’m on Parler I get an email every week from them offering me diet supplements and dietary aides, and I the only social media content I consume is that which panders to my very specific biases, so that was clearly an excellent decision – just like boycotting Disney will prove to be.

“I can’t wait for Ben Shapiro to launch an animated movie where the hero pulls himself up by his bootstraps with no help from the state and manages to defeat the evil tax-collecting government despite being cancelled by the liberal left. If they make him an eagle, even better.”

Disney spokesperson Sharon Jenkins told us, “We’ve wondered for years how to make our attraction less attractive to assholes, and seems like we’ve stumbled onto the solution by complete accident.

“So, if you want to enjoy a nice family day out and not be concerned by the prospect of engaging with any Fox News-consuming simpletons, why not pay us a visit?”

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