April Fool everyone, it’s actually 2015, the coalition is still in Government and none of this terrible shit actually happened, it was all just an elaborate prank.
Yesterday, on 31st March 2015, wacky pranksters set up a giant Matrix-style alternate reality, and whilst everyone was asleep, their consciouses were uploaded into that reality.
Those zany japesters then set the alternate reality to ‘worst possible outcome’ and as everyone slept everyone experienced six years of catastrophic bullshit, the like of which we’ve never seen.
To be clear, David Bowie is still alive, we’re in the EU, there was no pandemic, Donald Trump is a failed TV presenter, Boris Johnson is financially crippled by child support, no one knows who Priti Patel is, and last year’s Russian invasion of Ukraine is something the rest of the world feels comfortable not getting too bothered about.
The last seven years was all just an hilarious joke.
As everyone wakes this morning, chuckling ruefully about how we’d been so fooled by such an unlikely series of events, everyone can look forward to the likelihood of Ed Miliband’s Labour becoming a minority Government after the next election and forming a coalition with the Lib Dems and followed by six uneventful years of just quietly getting on with it.
Ha! April Fool! It’s not really 2015, and everything is still awful.