Prime Minister Boris Johnson is set to avoid a fine for his illegal parties in Downing Street after agreeing to voluntarily attend a Party Awareness Course instead.
As the first fines for the repeated breaches of lockdown rules at Downing Street are issued, Johnson is hoping to get ahead of it by publicly volunteering to better educate himself.
“Everyone knows that fixed penalty notices are serious, but if you can avoid them by sitting in a classroom with a dozen other bored attendees, then so be it.
“To the outside it looked like you are welcoming the opportunity to better yourself, and to improve your understanding of the law so that you can avoid breaking it again future. But inside, obviously it’s a case listening to someone speak for a couple of hours to avoid a fine.
“The Party Awareness Course has all sorts of materials, from simple charts to horrific videos showing people photocopying their arses. The idea being that when you leave, you will know, in no uncertain terms when you are, and are not, at a party.”
A spokesperson for the team running the courses told us that the prime minister had tried, and failed, to attend one course already.
They explained, “Boris is going to have to attend another course, because for the first one he brought along a suitcase full of wine and a bag full of cheese.
“It wasn’t the best start. Hopefully next time he’ll leave the party poppers at home.”
If anyone asks, this is a business meeting – get the T-shirt here!