Monday 28 March 2022

Ukrainian soldiers to start attacking Russians with open handed slaps in hope of returning to front pages


Ukraine Russia conflicy

Ukraine soldiers on the frontline of the war against Russia have this afternoon taking to slapping their adversaries across the face in the hope of securing greater media coverage of their plight.

After being forced off the front pages by a couple of multi-millionaire A-Listers having handbags at forty paces on live television, soldiers have welcomed the switch to less lethal forms for warfare.

Ukrainian soldier Vytalyi Shevchenko told us, “Firing a rocket launcher at a helicopter that you know has human beings in is a difficult thing to do. Firing a rifle at another human being in front of you is even harder. But slapping someone across the face before storming back to your chair? It is, how you say, a piece of the piss.

“Not only is it easier, it’s also guaranteed to get you on the front pages. Or so it appears according to your Western media.

“The key to winning the information war is to be flexible, so for those of us on the frontlines slapping is the way forward.

“As we have all learned, if you really want people to take notice of your, do something that can be turned into a meme.”

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