P&O refute safety concerns over staff as new captain insists he once sailed four-man pedalo on holiday

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P&O have vigorously denied any allegations of safely concerns surrounding new agency staff today after insisting their new captain once took charge of a rather large four man pedalo boat alone. 

With one ship currently being held in Northern Ireland due to the crew being ‘unfit to sail’, bosses at the company have insisted today there is absolutely nothing to worry about having seen footage of their captain on a boating lake in Dorset. 

Speaking earlier, safety officer Simon Williams told us, “It was a four man pedalo, not just a small two man one.

“We have been made aware of a number of safety concerns over the experience of our new staff, who we are paying approximately £1.30 a year.

“But I can assure you that every single one of them will be trained to the very highest standard, over the next few hours or so.

“Obviously they will be replacing staff who had years and years of experience of sailing on such a large vessel with hundreds of people on board.

“But Jimmy has told me he’s a legend in a pedalo, and I’ve even seen the pictures, so he gets the job as captain.”

Asked if all of the staff on board will be competent at using the live boats should there ever be an emergency we were told, “We don’t need all that shit. Did you not just hear what I said about Jimmy? “