Rishi Sunak has bought the loyalty and gratitude of simpletons everywhere by reducing duty on petrol by 5p a litre, despite the fact petrol has gone up by 40p per litre in the last 12 months.
Simpleton Simon Williams told us, “Everything is going up, petrol, gas, electric, the weekly shopping – but at least Rishi has done the decent thing and given us a proper helping hand. Those 5ps soon add up.
“Well, they probably do, maths was never my strong suit at school.
“I’m not really sure what I’ll spend the extra 5p a litre on. Maybe a little bit more petrol? A night out for me and the missus? Or maybe I’ll set it aside for the kids so they have house deposit ready when the time comes.”
Non-moron Derek Matthews told us, “There is no way such a transparent and ineffective gesture will have any effect in stopping people holding this government responsible for the mess they have cre… oh. Right. I’ve just looked at Twitter and it seems people will let such a transparent and ineffective gesture have an effect on how they feel about the government. My bad.
“Honestly, I thought people would be able to see through this tactic it pretty quickly. Petrol has gone up by 40p a litre in the last 12 months. That’s an extra 7p a litre the government is getting in VAT for every litre of fuel you buy. Yet people are celebrating Rishi Sunak like he’s some sort of benevolent deity for giving us back 5p a litre – even thought the government is STILL getting 2p a litre more out of us than they were a year ago.
“They’re robbing you and getting you to thank them for it – a bit like Robin Hood, if he was a cunt.”