Tuesday 22 March 2022 by Neil Tollfree

Tories confirm that we have always been at war with Eastasia


Sajid Javid

The Tory government has confirmed that we are at war with Eastasia, and that we have always been at war with Eastasia.

“We are at war with Eastasia,” said Sajid Javid, at the Tory Party Spring conference over the weekend.

“Eurasia are our allies. We are days away from victory.”

Tory delegates cheered the news as they handed back pamphlets stating that the war against Eurasia was nearly over and that we were days from victory.

“Tremendous news about the war,” said one such delegate.

“It’s imperative we defeat Eastasia. I’ve always thought that, and now we are just a few days from victory. Marvellous. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to cancel a rally I’d organised in support of Eastasia.

“Not sure what I was thinking there, must have gone a bit mad or something. Obviously, I’ll be making sure that we have a rally in support of Eurasia, who are our allies. I mean, they’ve always been our allies, haven’t they.”

Mr Javid then went on to make it clear that Boris Johnson definitely hadn’t compared Ukrainians fighting against Russia with British people voting for Brexit.

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