Friday 18 March 2022 by Mark Molloy

P&O ‘enhanced severance package’ for sacked workers to include a large steaming turd in a paper bag


P&O severance package

P&O have revealed details of their enhanced severance package for 800 sacked workers which will include a large steaming shit in a brown paper bag. 

With news emerging yesterday that the company sacked 800 of its employees with no notice in a three-minute virtual video message, further details have now emerged of the ‘generous’ severance package to be given to the staff, including a large warm piece of shit for every member of staff. 

A spokesman for the company confirmed, “It’s the least we can do.

“Obviously people will have been disappointed to turn up for work, and be told of our secret plan to sack them all in a short Zoom call before being escorted from the ferry by security in balaclavas.

“That’s why we have put together a very generous severance package including a freshly squeezed large steaming shit for every single employee in a nice paper bag which we know will make up for what’s happened.

“Whilst we appreciate that completely ruining the lives of hundreds of loyal staff overnight is a bit of a pain for them, we are sure that all will be forgiven as soon as they receive their warm turd in a bag.

Asked if anything else may be offered, to workers who have been with the company all their lives we were told “Cup of piss?”

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