Thursday 17 March 2022

Homeworker justifies drinking on company time because grandfather he never met was born in Cork

man drinking guinness at home

Homeworker Simon Williams is spending his day slowly working through eight cans of Guinness because a relative he never met was born in Cork.

Williams, who thanks to lockdown has successfully convinced his employer that he can be a solid contributor to the performance of the company from the comfort of his own home, plans to take significant advantage of this fact today.

He told us, “Look, I know some people will think this is just an excuse to get drunk during the day, but all I’m really doing is paying due respect to my ancestors.

“I mean, I don’t know if my Grandad drank Guinness on a normal Thursday lunchtime – because he died before I was born – but he was born in Cork, which is in Ireland, so that means he almost certainly did drink Guinness on a Thursday lunchtime, right?

“My mun says I’ve inherited a lot of things from him, like my rugged good looks and ability to get sunburn on a cloudy November day, but most of all it’s probably my ability to use the tiniest possible excuse to properly ‘get on it’.

“So today, that’s what I will be doing, right here at my desk in the kitchen. Here’s to you Grandad, cheers.

“Sorry, sláinte.”

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