Thursday 17 March 2022

Covid upswing sees Government move quicker than ever before to ignore it and hope it goes away


Boris ignoring Covid upswing

A huge increase in UK cases of Covid has seen the Government move quicker than ever before to ignore the virus and hope it goes away.

With new cases nearly doubled to over 100,000 since last week, the Government has sought to avoid previous criticism of acting too late by swinging into action and being immediately ignoring Covid and hoping it goes away.

“Cases are, increasing, that is to be expected, but we’re taking action immediately,” explained Sajid Javid.

“With immediate effect, I will be ignoring Covid and hoping it goes away. My whole department will do the same and I will be setting up, in the coming days, a special new task force who will be dedicated, 24/7, to ignoring Covid and hoping it goes away.”

My Javid then went on to explain what, in practical terms, ignoring Covid and hoping it goes away looks like.

“Well, ignoring it is easy. Look out of the window, have a cup of tea, watch one of those daytime repeats of Columbo that are always on. As for hoping it goes away, that’s a little more nebulous, but rest assured that both myself and my department will be really, really hoping it goes away. Lots.”

Mr Javid also confirmed Government plans that will come into effect if ignoring Covid and hoping it goes away fails.

“Same as usual really. Leave it far too late for anything anyone does to make a real impact then send out a load of mixed messages about masks.”

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