Boris Johnson has been gagged by his staff and is not allowed to speak at all until Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe actually gets off the plane and is home on UK soil.
With news emerging that Mrs Zaghari-Ratcliffe is finally on the way back to the UK after being detained for six years in Iran, advisors for the Prime Minister have stopped him from speaking to anyone in public for at least 24 hours, in case he fucks it all up yet again.
A spokesperson for the government confirmed, “We’ve got to be very careful here, because Boris is thick as fuck and will probably call her a spy or something.
“Obviously we are delighted to hopefully be welcoming Mrs Zaghari-Ratcliffe home, but we know that this can go tits up in the blink of an eye if Boris gets to comment on the matter – so we are taking no chances at all.
“That’s why we have placed a large gag over his mouth and locked him in a small room at least until tomorrow, just in case he says she was ‘training foreign journalists’ again, or something equally stupid.
“We will of course let him out and carry on his business once the plane has landed and we know that Nazanin is home, as long as he doesn’t speak, because he’ll still say something stupid.
“In fact, it’s probably best if he doesn’t speak about the war in Ukraine either, or about anything else come to think of it – you know, just in case.”