Britain is the best in the world at claiming to be the best in the world, according to new data released today.
According to the data, at least three times every day, someone from the government appears on television to claim that Britain is the best in the world at something.
“The key thing for anyone in the British government is that they don’t feel they have to substantiate the claims that they’re the best in the world, and so this frees up an awful lot of time for them to go on telly and claim to be the best in the world,” said Simon Williams, Professor of Bovine Faeces at Oxford University.
“People in other countries still feel they have to back up claims they make about being best in the world with facts and evidence.
“However, the British Government doesn’t really have any understanding of those concepts, so they can just spend all their time claiming to be the best in the world.”
Prime Minister Boris Johnson was unavailable to comment on Britain’s achievement as he was, at the time, on TV claiming that Britain was the best in the world at speaking Urdu, wearing sombreros and making sexy small-talk with girls.
Sadly though, the data has also revealed that Britain is also best in the world at getting absolutely nothing constructive done whatsoever because everyone in charge is too busy striding about on telly claiming to be the best in the world at everything.
No other country comes remotely close.