The government has reluctantly agreed to sanction Evgeny Lebedev by restricting his only form of televised entertainment to shows that can be found on ITV’s online streaming platform.
The announcement was made this morning following weeks of pressure to sanction the Tory donor, who also happens to be the son of an oligarch former KGB spy and best chums with Boris Johnson.
Conservative spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “After much consideration, we have decided to sanction Evgeny Lebedev for his close links to Vladimir Putin.
“Naturally, we can’t seize his assets, strip him of his business positions or remove him from the House of Lords, as we can only assume he holds a straining file of Kompromat on Boris Johnson.
“However, we can make his life an utter misery by removing his access to Netflix, BBC iPlayer, Disney+, and all other streaming sites, and leaving him solely with the ITV HUB.”
He concluded, “With the vast yet exceptionally mind-numbing choice of programmes, vacuous celebs, endless adverts breaks, buffering error messages, and exposure to Katie Price, we anticipate that Mr Lebedev will be on the phone to Putin urging a complete withdrawal of troops within hours.
“And if that doesn’t work, we’ll allow him to watch London Live – which he owns – to push him over the edge.”