Priti Patel, Nigel Farage and Rupert Murdoch have all clubbed together to purchase a high-end lair under a volcano somewhere in the ocean.
The lair will allow them to more efficiently coordinate their various plans to do long-term damage to the UK.
“It just makes sense,” explained Nigel Farage, Red-Faced Angry Man Monthly’s man-of-the-year.
“We’ve all been working against the UK for years. We’re all big fans of each other’s work. If we can all work together from one place then we’ll be able to bring the country to its knees far more efficiently.
“Otherwise, you’ve got Rupert having a go at the Europeans, me trying to encourage appeasement of Putin and Priti doing her best to give refugees a kicking. We’re all over the place. Having a good lair will help us coordinate and work together.”
Priti Patel, Home Secretary and unconscionable shithead, found the lair.
“I’ve got quite a lot of contacts in the international crimelord community,” she laughed.
“So, when this lair came on the market, I was able to snap it up immediately.
“It’s fantastic. It’s got torture chambers, a poison gas lab, some sort of laser. The damage we’re going to be able to do to the UK from here is already exceeding our wildest dreams. Very exciting.”
It is understood that the three of them will, for the moment, continue with their current plans to damage the UK by isolating us diplomatically and weakening supply chains. However, now they have their lair, they have bigger plans for the future.
“I’m thinking mutant shark attack,” said Rupert Murdoch.
“This lair has everything!”