Tuesday 8 March 2022 by Neil Tollfree

Dreadful prick wants to be on telly again


Nigel Farage wants to be back on the telly

Popular dreadful prick and long-standing Putin apologist Nigel Farage has launched the first salvo in a campaign to regularly appear on telly again by declaring that he believes the UK should have a referendum on Net-Zero.

Although scientists and the vast majority of the public believe becoming carbon neutral is the only way to prevent global catastrophe, Mr Farage really, really wants to be back on telly and a Net Zero referendum should see him back to his regular evening slot on BBC news.

The BBC confirmed that this would be the case.

“In the event of a referendum on Net Zero, we would, in the interests of impartiality have to have a dreadful prick on the news regularly and, more often than not, that dreadful prick will be Mr Farage,” said a spokesperson for the corporation.

Mr Farage expanded on his demand.

“I think a Net Zero referendum will be great news for all those people who, like me, would like to see much more of me on television.

“Despite single-handedly winning the Brexit referendum through my brilliant powers of persuasion, the BBC or ‘blatantly biased corporation’ as I, hilariously, call them, hardly ever want me on telly anymore, favouring elected MPs who work for a living.

“Bllody communists.”

It is thought that should there not be a Net Zero referendum with all its attendant possibilities for Nigel Farage to be on telly, then Britain faces the grim prospect of the dreadful prick turning up on Strictly, I’m a Celebrity, celebrity Masterchef or, the nightmare scenario, all three.

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