Friday 4 March 2022 by Mark Molloy

Gavin Williamson given a knighthood for services to failing upwards


Gavin Williamson

Given Williamson is to be given a knighthood it is revealed today, for services to repeated public incompetence.

The MP, and Frank Spencer impersonator who was sacked twice while in office for complete and utter incompetence will be presented with the knighthood by the Queen after demonstrating an unwavering commitment to failing upwards spanning a number of years in government.

A Downing Street Spokesperson confirmed, “He deserves it. Arise, Sir Gavin.

“It is so rare these days to see people forge a successful career based on nothing more than being useless at every job they’ve been given. He is an inspiration to hopeless simpletons everywhere.

“Nobody has shown such unwavering commitment to failing upwards over such a long period of time as this man, and now he is getting the recognition he deserves.

“Here we have a man who has been sacked by Teresa May as defence secretary, and then by Boris Johnson as education secretary, for being completely useless at both, which is an achievement in itself.

“He made a number of confusing, ill-thought-out, contradictory, often baffling and ultimately disastrous decisions affecting the future of millions of students education during the pandemic.

“And he doesn’t know the difference between rugby player Maro Itoje and footballer Marcus Rashford who obviously look the same because they are both… sportsmen.

“That’s why we are happy to announce the knighthood of Mr Williamson who completely deserves the honour for everything he has done for this country.”

Asked if any other incompetent MP’s could be in line for such an honour in future we were told, “Where do we start….. Hancock… Grayling… Dorris…. Gove… Raab… we could be here all day…”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get your Mug here!

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