Wednesday 2 March 2022 by Lucas Wilde

Chelsea sold to Trotters Independent Traders


Trotters independent trading chelsea

Chelsea football club has been sold to two entrepreneurial brothers from London.

Following news that Roman Abramovic was selling the club and giving the proceeds to charity, Derek Trotter and his brother, Rodney, were quick to snap it up.

“Lovely jubbly,” concluded Derek Trotter, CEO of Trotters Independent Traders.

“Bit of the ol’ silverware on the way I reckon, Rodders? Look at this lot… Lukaku… Kante… Mount… we’ve hit the jackpot!”

“Oh bloody ‘ell, Del…” commented Rodney.

“You bought a football club? What for? You couldn’t run a bath!”

“Oi, that’s unfair!” countered Del Boy.

“I run a lovely bath. Ask the wife. Candles and everything.”

“Oh I did ask her,” scoffed Rodney.

“She said the candles were lovely. All seventy-eight of them. Once she got the smoke alarm to stop going off and explained the whole thing to the fire department, she had a very relaxing time.”

Chelsea board member, Simon Williams, said, “We needed to sell Chelsea sharpish”.

“Del bought it off the back of our van. Easy peasy. No VAT. Job’s a good ‘un.”

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