Wednesday 2 March 2022 by Mark Molloy

Chelsea hoping to improve their reputation with takeover by the Taliban


Chelsea football club for sale

Chelsea Football Club are hoping to improve their ailing reputation with the announcement of a potential takeover by the Taliban.

With current owner Roman Abramovic now making Chelsea even less popular than it was when John Terry was captain, fans of the club have reacted with delight at the news that the club is to be taken over by an organisation far more popular than a Russian Oligarch, in the form of the Taliban.

A spokesperson for the club confirmed, “Finally, people will no longer hate us as much as they currently do.

“We have been watching events unfolding on the news, and obviously it’s a concern that our owner is a Russian billionaire oligarch who barely says a word, oh and that he’s good friends with Vladimir Putin, apparently.

“So we are delighted to hear that we are being taken over by a group more popular than Russian billionaire owners and who have no links to human rights atrocities or war crimes whatsoever, and generally seem like nice lads.

“We just hope that nothing comes to light with our new owners which could put the club’s reputation back under the spotlight, but like I say, they all seem lovely so far.

“Passing the fit and proper owners test should be easy enough – I mean, if the Saudi government can pass the test then it should be no problem for the Afghan government.”

Asked if the new owners will be making any changes to the club when the takeover is completed, we were told, “They said something about no women being allowed anywhere near the stadium or they will be executed, but I’ll have to double-check that one.”

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