Tuesday 1 March 2022 by Luke McGibbon

Study reveals your secondary school drug dealer is now really into NFTs and conspiracy theories


drug dealers

A new study has revealed that “the drug guy” you knew in high school has diversified his personality into other interests that give him the same long-term prospects as selling low-quality weed to teenagers.

For example, have you ever heard of the blockchain? Well, neither have these guys. But they can’t wait to tell you all about it, via a picture of a monkey that he spent his life savings on.

Sociologists at the university of Yeovil have found that these individuals have found new ways to be smug and condescending about something they actually know very little about.

One of the study participants, Simon Williams, told us, “It’s really the next big thing,” before lighting up a cigarette behind the bike sheds (because he still does that), “and frankly, it’s the only way to stop Hillary Clinton doing 9/11 again.

“Not just this, but big celebrities and influencers all seem to agree – which means it must be true – that owning a token that says that you own a picture that nobody really owns is the new ‘selling you a 10g bag that they got from their big brother in the school toilets’.

“As long as nobody asks me ‘what does it actually do though?’ It’s a 100% rock-solid investment.

“And you have to make rock-solid investments, in this world where they’re trying to turn us into cucks by making us wear masks to stop an entirely harmless disease,” added Simon, standing in your doorway with your Just-Eat order.

“Also, CBD cures cancer and Dr Fauci knows it.”

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