Russian advance halted by temporary Facebook profile picture

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As the Russian war machine rumbles towards Kyiv, a plucky band of westerners have defied Putin by temporarily replacing sparkly dog ears with a national flag.

Colonel Simon Willievsky of the 34th Tank Battalion commented, “My men have been shocked and completely demoralised by the appearance of these new filters showing the Ukrainian flag, typically displayed in miniature beneath someone pouting at a camera lens, or as an overlay on top of a gurning simpleton.

“The initial plan was for a lightning assault beginning in the early hours of Thursday, so as to maximise our tactical advantage before the full force of this groundswell of passive-aggressive opinion would stop us in our tracks.

“Our early efforts have also been crippled by people sending not only their thoughts, but also their prayers to the people of Ukraine.

“The effectiveness of sending prayers has been well documented before in cases of mass civilian shootings, and we expect a similar effect here. Of course, ideally our opponents should have had Ukraine in their thoughts before the situation got this serious.

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“Our systematic bombing of civilians in Syria would have been stopped after a couple of days if anyone using Facebook knew what a Syrian flag looked like.”