A freedom-loving patriot who despises totalitarianism in all its forms, especially when he sees elderly people wearing masks in the supermarket, has today insisted he’s not that keen to take on the Russians.
Simon Williams, a proud self-confessed ‘freedom fighter’ from Norwich, has spent the best part of two years in a desperate struggle to free our nation from the evil yoke of those who want to make us wear masks in Tesco, insisting he would die to protect freedom.
“It is incumbent on us all to fight against oppression wherever we find it, and if that means I have to scream at a few old ladies doing their weekly shop, while berating them for so meekly giving away their freedoms, then so be it – that is something I more than happy to do.
However, when it was pointed out that Williams is of fighting age and Europe is on the verge of World War Three, he said we should probably be a bit more choosy about which fights for ‘freedom’ we get engaged in.
“It’s one thing to exercise your love of freedom by shouting at people on the bus for being sheeple, but it’s entirely another thing to pick a rifle and head towards a lunatic like Putin if things keep escalating in Ukraine – but we are both definitely equal as freedom-fighters.
“To be honest, I think I’ve done my bit for freedom by fighting mask mandates. I’m essentially a veteran now, and I think at 27 my fighting days are probably behind me.
“Unless that meek old cow Ethel tries to put her mask on at the bus stop, then she’ll see just what a freedom-lover is capable of.”