Alex Salmond disappointed to learn Putin recognising the independence of pro-Russia groups doesn’t mean him

author avatar by 2 years ago

After taking to social media to vigorously nosh Vladimir Putin off for sending the boys in, Alex Salmond is reported to be ‘disappointed’ that this hasn’t resulted in a couple of armoured divisions rocking up inFife today.

Salmond, who incredibly was once reckoned a serious political figure by at least a half dozen people, has used his voice on Russia’s premier medium for honest and accurate reporting, Russia Today, to toady up to a man even more loathsome than himself in the hope of several divisions of Spetsnaz backing up his ambitions.

“Vladimir Putin has shown great bravery in standing up to the tyranny of an elected government”, he told his viewer.

“And freed an oppressed people from the yoke of precisely what they voted for.

“Any help in that direction over here wouldn’t go amiss, Vlad old boy,” he added optimistically.

“And have ye seen that great palace he’s got with the private lap dancing club in it?” he went on.

“I’ll tell you we missed a trick at Holyrood there, a wee pole for Nicola to gives us a shimmy on.”

After failing to get any backing from Russia, Salmond is hoping to give Iran TV a go next.

“An oil-rich nation run by a monomaniacal weirdo with medieval views on women?” He said.

“Fingers crossed, eh?”