Government demands weather forecasters make their storm warnings more patriotic and optimistic

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The British government has told meteorologists to simply think more positively and optimistically when issuing forecasts ahead of impending storms.

A number of outlets including the Met Office have issued storm warnings ahead of Storm Eunice, prompting a swift backlash from leading Tory MPs who by sheer coincidence just happen to be Brexiters.

Conservative MP John Redwood issued a statement this morning saying, “When I read the weather forecast every day I want to see an optimistic report for the weather ahead.

“When a large storm is due to hit parts of the country, as it is due to today, I don’t want to read about ‘dangerously high winds this’ and ‘red alert that’ – I want us all to be a bit more positive about the whole thing. That is the only way to make the storm not happen.”

Fellow Tory and former leadership contender Andrea Leadsom MP explained the approach meteorologists should be taking, telling reporters this morning, “The key to a good weather forecast, no matter how bad the computer models may indicate it to be, is to be patriotic.

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“As you look the storm in the face, stand strong and think of Queen and country. The winds and waves will die down quicker than you can hum all six verses of ‘Rule Britannia’.

“Obviously this won’t work for those living in Ireland, but we don’t care about them anyway.”