Coldplay jealous as Storm Eunice blows the roof off the O2

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Storm Eunice has done what Coldplay could never, according to reports this afternoon.

The visiting weather monster has caused widespread damage across the UK, and has now blown the roof off the O2, much to the annoyance of Coldplay.

“Who does Eunice think she is?” sniffed Chris Martin, lead singer of the dinner-party-backing-music specialists.

“We’ve played that venue loads, and the audience always applauded very politely, albeit while checking their watches to see if they could go home yet.

“But we’ve never blown the roof off the place, then this Storm Eunice comes in and just blows the roof off on her first gig?

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“Who is she anyway? I’ve never heard of her. She won’t last. Coming in guns blazing isn’t the way to longevity. Slowly grind the public down with a series of fairly samey albums that will make people go ‘oh, is this coldplay? Yeah I thought it was’ and literally nothing more enthusiastic than that.

“That’s the way to do it.”

Chris Martin’s bandmates commented, “We’d like to let Storm Eunice know that we are open to working with her at the earliest available opportunity.”