New guidelines require teachers to give equal focus to all the people the British Empire didn’t rape or murder

author avatar by 2 years ago

In an attempt to redress a perceived imbalance between historical facts and the jumble of pig-ignorant misconceptions held by senescent Daily Mail readers, the government is making history teachers talk about all the people the Empire did not enslave, brutalise or dispossess.

Simon Williams MP, a Junior Minister of Education who thinks an opinion on WW2 rifles makes him a historian, explained the new policy behind a paywall of a newspaper read by few teachers and no students.

He wrote, “Wokeism and putting Britain down has infected our schools and children are not being taught about all the positive things about the British Empire.

“Everyone talks about the transatlantic slave trade, but does anyone mention the thousands of Africans who lived free and happy at the time because we couldn’t find them? Did you know that during the Irish Famine, nearly 7 million people didn’t die?

“We’re not talking about censorship or imposing a politically acceptable view of history. All we want is a fair balance. Teachers can talk about the Amritsar Massacre if they want to, but now they have to make it clear that 9 out of 10 people who went to that protest were not shot, or at least not fatally.”

The new guidelines will come into effect in April and several lesson plans have been put online to help teachers prepare new materials. They include:

–  Kimani Maruge. Portrait of a man who was NOT castrated during the Mau Mau Uprising.
– Jamaican plantations. Hard work but what a view!
– 30th January 1972. A man in Surrey has a nice cup of tea and does a bit of gardening.
– Putting Boers civilians in concentration camps. Can’t call that racist!