Russia pulls back from Ukraine to avoid further visits from Liz Truss

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Moscow has ordered the withdrawal of its troops from the Ukrainian border in an attempt to avoid any more diplomatic visits from Liz Truss.

There are early signs that Russia is pulling back some of its forces from the Ukrainian border. But what has triggered this apparent withdrawal?

“We just can’t take any more visits from that witless woman,” explained Russian Foreign Minister Simonov Williams in reference to the UK Foreign Secretary.

“Things started badly when she got off the plane in a rubber Liz Truss costume. She ripped it off and said, ‘Look, I’m a Russian doll!’ to her own obvious amusement.

“Sporting a cossack style fur hat which she’d purchased on Amazon, she then refused to walk normally, instead of squatting down and performing what she referred to as a ‘Russian dance’ down the street.

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“This was of course the Hopak, a traditional Ukrainian folk dance, and not something likely to diffuse regional tensions.

“During the diplomatic meeting itself – something which appeared to be an inconvenience on her city break itinerary – Ms Truss kept asking why this crane was particularly important to us and couldn’t we just build with another one. After all, she’d seen loads on the drive from the airport.

“When I said that this was not the time for bad jokes, she just stared at me blankly before asking if she could go inside that ‘funny building that looks like a load of hot air balloons.’

“She left promising to see us soon if the crane situation had not been resolved.

“So we’re pulling back. Thermonuclear war would be bad, but the return of Liz Truss is the very last thing we want.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes (including Liz Truss) – see it here!