Jim Davidson appointed new Met Police Commissioner

author avatar by 2 years ago

Popular ‘comedian’ Jim Davidson has been announced as the new Metropolitan Police commissioner.

Davidson, best known for not kowtowing to the PC brigade and continuing to be an unpleasant racist, sexist, and homophobe, will take up his post imminently.

“It was important that the new commissioner really reflected the culture of the Metropolitan Police Force,” said Priti Patel, Home Secretary and pound-shop Bond villain.

“And seeing as Bernard Manning is dead, then Mr Davidson is the perfect fit.”

Officers across the force seemed pleased with news.

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“Brilliant. I love Jim Davidson,” said PC Simon Williams.

“With his hilarious jokes about his mate Chalky, who, despite his name seeming to give the impression that he’s white, is actually black. With jokes like that, then Jim will be a commissioner I can really identify with and get behind.

“Great news all round, really.”

Mr Davidson has already explained what he intends to do about what appears to be the institutional racism within the Met.

“Absolutely nothing at all,” he confirmed.

“No one has done anything wrong. It’s just a bit of good-natured banter. You can’t say anything these days without the PC-mob getting on your back. Which is why we are going to be the anti-PC PCs.”

He also planned a poster campaign reminding women who suffer from low-level sexual harassment from officers to take it as a compliment and a leaflet campaign to make it clear that homosexuals can get up to whatever they like as long as it’s behind closed doors.