Tuesday 15 February 2022

Furious Prince Andrew chokes lawyers after deal deprives him of opportunity to prove his innocence under oath


Prince Andrew attacks lawyers

According to reports this afternoon, Prince Andrew had to be physically restrained after learning that his lawyers had struck a deal with Virginia Giuffre that would prevent him from ever taking the stand to prove his innocence.

The prince, who was ‘hugely excited’ about the opportunity of clearing his name in court is said to have leapt at his lawyers’ throats upon seeing the deal, blaming them as the reason everyone will still think he’s guilty.

A spokesperson for the Prince told us, “Yes, Andrew was absolutely incensed – and understandably so.

“Taking the stand in his civil trial was Andrew’s perfect opportunity to prove his innocence. He could finally explain away – under oath – his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, not to mention prove Giuffre is lying because he couldn’t sweat for a large part of the 1990s.

“But most of all, he’s furious he won’t be allowed to produce the Pizza Express receipt that proves – categorically – that he could not have had sex with that woman.  He pictured himself producing that receipt like the big reveal you used to see at the end of an episode of Ally McBeal. It was his moment to prove to the world his innocence.

“But this deal his lawyers made with Giuffre has deprived him of all of that – she must be laughing now she knows she can’t be proven wrong in court.

“And now poor Andrew – through no fault of his own – will face a lifetime of suspicion, and it’s all because his lawyers made this terrible deal to make the case go away.

“Honestly, choking was too good for them.”

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