Wednesday 9 February 2022 by Cameron Smith

Technology that allowed paralysed man to walk again is better late than never, insists Jesus


Jesus miracle fixing paralysed man

An amazing new technology, developed by really clever scientists in Switzerland, has allowed a man with a severed spinal cord to walk again, a somewhat belated miracle welcomed by the son of God.

The procedure has been hailed as a world-first and a massive breakthrough in biotechnology. However, some are claiming that this has all been ‘done before’.

“It’s great, yes, but I have to say, what took you so long?” asked Jesus, miracle-worker and Son of God.

“I was doing this kind of thing two thousand years. In fact, I was still doing stuff like this right up until the invention of camera phones, which is quite recent.”

Following a terrible accident, Simon Williams was completely paralysed and has no feeling in his legs. But, with the aid of this new technology, he has been able to walk again for the first time. He describes the feeling simply as “a miracle”.

Jesus agreed, telling us, “That’s what I’ve been saying all this time. And, back in the day, the likes of me and Saint Peter, we didn’t have any of those electrical implant thingies to help us. We were old-school. A quick prayer and a good old-fashioned pair of healing hands. That was enough for us.

“Don’t get me wrong. Some of these new-fangled science types are doing a really great job. I’m just glad they’re catching up with us divine miracle workers. In fact, I’m looking forward to the day they finally work out how to walk on water. Good luck with that.

“In the meantime, I’ll go back to focussing all my energy putting my face on your toast.”

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