The British team have today submitted a formal complaint to the organisers of the China Winter Olympic event over the continued exclusion of traditional British winter sport, the hill slide on a carrier bag.
The British team is hoping to exceed expectations by not becoming objects of ridicule, though attention has now turned to the organisers’ refusal to include events for which we, as a nation, are well prepared.
A Team GB spokesperson explained, “We’re lucky to get a few days snow a year in the UK, so spending money on skis and expensive aerodynamic sledges has never been an option for most of the kids back home.
“The way that British youngsters enjoy the snow is to grab one of their mum’s carrier bags and head to the nearest hill, and I think the organisers should realise this is what the Winter Olympics is all about.
“We found in trials that the 25p Waitrose variety performed best, but we don’t want to seem elitist, so I’d like to point out that the Lidl ones were a close second.”
The Winter Olympic association has so far rejected all calls to make the British team even slightly competitive, but Team GB are not downbeat.
The spokesperson continued, “If our appeals are not successful, we have plenty of other ideas for sports in which British competitors can excel.
“We have, ‘Longest skid whilst staying on your feet’, and ‘Most accurate snowball throw’ – though we have to make clear we do not condone the use of ice and stones, this is not a sport for cheats.
“If all else fails, we have our fallback submission of ‘Writing your name in urine in the snow outside the Post Office’.”