Cabinet reshuffle sees Jacob Rees-Mogg promoted from Twat to F**king Twat

author avatar by 8 months ago

Boris Johnson has carried out a minor reshuffle of his cabinet, with the most eye-catching move being Jacob Rees-Mogg’s promotion from Twat to Fucking Twat.

Chris Heaton-Harris replaces Mark Spencer as Top Prick and Mark Spencer takes over Mr Rees-Mogg’s old role of Twat.

The changes follow last week’s surprise move for Steve Barclay to the position of Gaping Arsehole.

There were eyebrows raised that, following weeks of turmoil, the reshuffle was not more extensive.

“There had been rumours starting to circulate that the PM was unhappy with Rishi Sunak in the role of Huge Wanker,” explained Laura Kuenssberg.

“I was given to understand that he was to be demoted to Dickhead, or even simply Knob, but that doesn’t seem to have happened.”

Liz Truss does appear safe in her current role of Enormous Bastard.

“Yes, I don’t see anyone to challenge her as Enormous Bastard,” continued Kuenssberg.

“Perhaps there may have been a temptation to make Michael Gove an Enormous Bastard but, I think most people believe he’s doing pretty well as Silly Cock and there’s no real cause to move him.

“All-in-all, an uncontroversial reshuffle and all the pricks, cocks, and twats in Government should be pretty happy with it.”

Mr Johnson himself will hope that his reshuffle can draw a line under all his recent problems and will be enough save help him retain his position as Biggest Cunt in the Country.

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get yours here!