Sunday 6 February 2022

Steve Barclay moves seamlessly from pretending Brexit is going well to pretending Boris is doing well


steve barclay

Boris Johnson’s new Chief of Staff, Steve Barclay, has exceeded expectations by transitioning seamlessly from pretending the shit-show of Brexit is going well to pretending the shit-show of Boris’ premiership is going well.

Former Brexit Secretary Barclay has large swathes of experience in pointing to a thing that every observer realises is a total dumpster fire and telling them it’s going precisely to plan.

Political correspondent Simon Williams told us, “Boris had quite the challenge in replenishing his inner circle.  Where can you find someone who is willing to go on record about how everything is fine when it’s obvious to literally every casual observer that is demonstrably isn’t? Well, you can find them in the Brexit team of course.

“The former Brexit secretary has those skills in abundance.  He will have no issue whatsoever describing Boris’ performance as ‘statesman like’, even if he’s running around behind him without any trousers on.

“Any man who can repeatedly appear before the press insisting Brexit was going to plan has just the sort of tenuous relationship with the truth that Boris needs right now.”

Williams also pointed out that Barclay’s consistency and reliability on key issues provide just the sort of stability the prime minister needs right now.

He went on, “It’s like that time in 2019 when Steve Barclay stood up in parliament loudly and vociferously advocated for a Brexit extension, and then minutes later voted against it.

“You can’t buy that sort of reliability.”

Meanwhile, Nadine Dorries is to continue appearing on television to defend the prime minister because she is so very good at it.

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