Sunday 6 February 2022 by Chris Ballard

Nadine Dorries to defend Prince Andrew in court just to give everyone a much-needed laugh


Nadine Dorries to defend Prince Andrew

It’s been a tough couple of years, so what better way to cheer us all up than to get Nadine Dorries to use her formidable oratory skills in defence of Prince Andrew?

Two years into a global pandemic and we could all do with a little light relief. Well, brace yourselves for the comic event of the decade – the Culture Secretary has been asked to stand up in court and defend Prince Andrew.

“It was actually the Queen’s idea,” said Legal Analyst Simon Williams.

“She obviously wants justice to be done for her son, so what better way to ensure he gets the best possible defence than to deploy the services of a woman who thinks ‘museum’ is what you shout when you spot some cows.

“Nadine Dorries could speak up in defence of Gandhi and people would come away thinking he was a bit of a violent thug.

“It’ll be absolutely hilarious watching her try to convince a jury that the Duke of York actually went to Pizza Express.

“Her main tactic will probably be to repeat the phrase ‘Prince Andrew doesn’t lie’ while swaying like a Weeble.

“She will also point to Andrew’s impeccable service record in ‘that war with the boats and helicopters’ in which he ‘soldiered really well’.

Ms Dorries is expected to defend Andrew via zoom from the comfort of her own home while a half-naked Boris Johnson subtly escapes through a window in the background.

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