‘Don’t ask for big pay rises’ pleads man earning £575k a year

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A man who is currently earning £575,538 per year as his annual salary has urged people not to ask for big pay rises this year to try to cope with huge increases in the general cost of living.

Governor of the Bank of England Andrew Bailey, who no doubt earns considerably more than his basic annual salary through lucrative investments and shares, made his plea to the public earlier after opening up his own pay slip for February and falling onto the floor laughing his fucking head off.

Speaking earlier he told us, “People need to just stop whinging about not having enough money to live on.

“Look, I know the cost of living has completely gone through the roof, with rising food costs, and energy bills also set to rise by 54%, but hey, do you see me moaning about it? No, you don’t.

“People need to just tighten their belts a little bit and it’s an absolute piece of piss, just 2% of the money I earn per month could comfortably feed a family of five – it can be done.

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“Asking for more money to help to pay the bills is not the solution, and the public need to show restraint, and only ask for a very small increase if they actually need anything at all.

“Which in my case will be a further twenty-five grand or so with a measly 4% increase in salary, on top of what I already earn.”

Asked if he could feed and house a family earning just £20k he told us, “It would be tough but yes, I think I could.

“But someone else will have to take them in for the next month.”