A relieved Boris Johnson has set off to Ukraine today in the hope of starting a war, in order to deflect attention from his behaviour and in the hope of saving his own job.
After another disastrous day for the Prime Minister, where he has somehow still kept hold of his job, a buoyant Johnson set off early today for talks with the Ukrainian president to try to avoid war with the Russians, which will obviously, therefore, end in a war with the Russians.
A spokesperson for the Prime Minister told us, “Thank God for the impending war, that’s all I can say.
“It looks like the Prime Minister lives to fight another day, unlike thousands of Ukrainians and Russians as soon as he gets involved in trying to stop a war, because he is completely clueless and shouldn’t be trusted with anything.
“Obviously this whole war thing couldn’t have come at a better time for Boris Johnson, to try to deflect some of the pressure away from him after all the illegal party hassle, and lying to the public and lying to parliament and that.
“So the first chance he got to head off over there and get himself involved he simply had to take. After all, if he can’t turn a finely balanced diplomatic minefield into World War 3 then no one can.”
Asked if he really believes the Prime Minister would rather a war developed in Eastern Europe as opposed to losing his job we were told “Erm… are you serious?”