Excerpt from Sue Gray’s ‘Partygate’ enquiry or drunken antic of notorious hell-raiser Ollie Reed?

Everyone loves a party, but no one loves a party more than notorious Hollywood hell-raiser Oliver Reed or Boris Johnson and his number 10 staff.

See if you can tell which is which by figuring out which of the following list is a tale of Reed’s debauchery and which is an excerpt from top civil servant Sue Gay’s forthcoming enquiry into the Number 10 lockdown parties.

1. ‘He spiked a 10-year-old boy’s cokes with vodka, getting the young child completely drunk’
2. ‘Got so drunk that he sat on a child’s swing and broke it’
3. ‘Drunk over 100 pints of beer and did a horizontal handstand’
4. ‘Whilst inebriated, he got a tattoo on his penis’
5. ‘A suitcase was used to smuggle a wide variety of booze’
6. ‘Twelve drunken naked men were seen running through the garden, the moonlight glistening off their buttocks.’
7. ‘A fridge full of wine was always well-stocked to allow for drinking at any time’
8. ‘Drunkenly stripped naked and jumped into a tank of fish shouting “You can’t touch me! I’m the fourth Musketeer!”’
9. ‘He took on the role of DJ and played music well into the early hours’
10. ‘Shouted “who wants to see my mighty mallet?” before exposing his penis’

Answers: 2,5,7, and 9 are from Sue Gray’s report. 1,3,4,6, and 8 are Oliver Reed. Number 10 is both an Oliver Reed story and a description of Dominic Raab’s behaviour at a Christmas party, as taken from Sue Gray’s report.