Monday 31 January 2022

Boris asks nation to focus on the four Downing Street parties that aren’t facing criminal investigation, rather than the twelve that are


Boris Johnson partygate admission

Boris Johnson has this afternoon asked voters to focus on the four Downing Street parties that the Met Police have decided do not meet the threshold for a criminal investigation, rather than the twelve that did.

Just hours after Sue Gray’s preliminary findings confirmed that twelve Downing Street parties are currently being investigated by the Met Police, Johnson told the House of Commons that people should remember that there were four parties not worthy of a criminal investigation.

He went on, “The opposition will no doubt focus on the parties that are being investigated by the police, and the fact that Sue Gray has already said we should have known better, but I prefer to look on the bright side and encourage all voters to consider those parties we enjoyed that were definitely not criminal.”

Simon Williams, a voter who would be lucky to attend twelve parties in any given year without any lockdown restrictions whatsoever, told us, “I’m not sure that 25% of our parties require no police investigation whatsoever is quite the flex he thinks it is.

“Still, they are the self-proclaimed party of law and order, so those politicians found to have broken the rules will definitely fall on their swords, right?

“Right?”

“Oh.”

Mr Bullshit – get the Boris Mr Men mug HERE!

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