Saturday 29 January 2022

Goddamn luddite buys piece of art and hangs it on wall like he’s Amish or something


Man hanging painting like an idiot

A man is being roundly mocked on social media today after buying a piece of physical art he liked and putting it on his wall in a place he can regularly look at it.

Simon Williams, 38, is seemingly unaware that NFTs are the future, and instead wasted his money on an abstract canvas that reminded him of a beach he used to visit as a child.

“What a moron,” commented next-door neighbour Jake Matthews, who goes by the username @NFTGuru247 on Twitter.

“I can’t believe it’s 2022 and people are STILL wasting money on physical art, when all you can do with it is look at it and pick it up and touch it.  What’s the point? How is some guy in California with ten thousand Twitter followers supposed to be impressed with that?

“I asked him how he could even prove he owned that painting without it having its own record on the blockchain, and he just looked at me for a second before slowly raising his finger towards the painting and saying ‘it’s… right there on my wall’.

“What an idiot.  As if having the painting on his wall gives him any kudos whatsoever with the NFT community. I’ve got a dozen digital apes in my NFT collection, and I can show you their place on the NFT ledger that says they are mine at any point, which is what all good art is really about – the receipts.

“It would be nice if Simon joined the 21st century at some point and acquired a few NFTs, at the very least he’d be helping to prop up the value of my highly speculative digital portfolio.”

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