NATO on ‘heightened alert’ as escalating conflict between Taylor Swift and Damon Albarn heads towards war

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NATO has issued stern warnings to both Taylor Swift and Damon Albarn as tensions continue to rise between the pair.

The conflict began yesterday with the publication of an article in the LA Times in which former Blur member Damon Albarn claimed that Taylor Swift didn’t write her own music.

The US singer-songwriter was quick to strategically gather her army of millions of ‘Swifties’ online, each fully armed with venomous put-downs and scathing reviews of Gorillaz albums to level at Mr Albarn.

“This is very concerning,” noted NATO spokesperson – and committed Taylor Swift fan – Simon Williams.

“With Russian forces gathering at the border of Ukraine, the last thing we need is a jumped up mockney bloke trying to take down MY QUEEN – ahem, I mean stir up conflict with Ms Swift.”

He continued, “We urge both parties involved to resolve this conflict as peacefully as possible, and for Mr Albarn to retreat with his tail between his legs and the righteous anger of the world weighing heavily on his shoulders.”

Taylor Swift fan Christopher James, who was up all night posting one-star reviews on Amazon of every musical output Damon Albarn has been involved in, told us, “Has he not heard what Taylor does to the blokes in her life who wrong her? He’d better go to ground, and quickly.

“And the damage caused to Taylor by this? Oh, I’m sure she’ll shake it off.”