Weary public braces for “I didn’t know it was my birthday party”

author avatar by 2 years ago

The public is gearing up for Boris Johnson’s inevitable denials of his own birthday party.

Reports today suggest that the Prime Minister had an indoor birthday party on June 19th, 2020, with around thirty guests and surprisingly few prostitutes.

Downing Street has categorically denied the claims.

“There were LOADS of prostitutes, haha no I’m joking. Please don’t put that.

“I’ve been advised to inform you that these claims are categorically false, that the guestlist for this party is not readily available if you check the PM’s diary, and that a delicious, three-tier chocolate cake was definitely not served.

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“The Prime Minister will be making his own statement shortly – and fucking BRACE YOURSELF because it’s going to be exactly what you think it’s going to be.”

Citizen, Hayley Rice, said, “He’s just going to go right ahead and do it, isn’t he?

“He’s going to claim he didn’t know it was his own birthday party, the perfidious whopper-spewing bastard.

“He’s going to do that stuttering haystack routine, mumble an apology and then deny ever having a birthday ever.

“If only that were true. Dad might still be alive.”

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