Friday 21 January 2022

Nadine Dorries tells Tory rebels ‘If you really want attention, try eating kangaroo anus on television’


Nadine Dorries eats kangaroo anus on television

Nadine Dorries has told the ‘attention seeking’ Tory rebels criticising Boris Johnson that they are doing it all wrong.

After the Culture Secretary told rebel MPs to stop picking on the prime minister because he’s been really nice to her lately, she went on to explain that attention-seeking is a skill, and they clearly need a crash course.

She explained, “Attention is currency, and I know that better than most, which is why I would tell each of them to get themselves on prime-time television to debase themselves for the entertainment of the electorate.

“There is nothing you can do on television that can hurt your political ambitions. I chewed my way through the arsehole of a deceased kangaroo, and here I am just a short few years later as the nation’s Culture Secretary.

“Would I be sat here with an entire government department and countless civil servants at my disposal if I hadn’t shit in a bucket and gnawed my way through a hairy ringpiece? Almost certainly not.

“So trust me when I tell you, slipping little ‘off-the-record’ comments to friendly reporters about what Boris may or may not have done isn’t going to get you the attention you crave.

“Go big or go home.”

One Tory told us, “Look, I’m ambitious, definitely, but if the cost of a place in the cabinet is humiliating yourself on national TV like Nadine, then I can probably live with a career on the backbenchers and a few choice directorships.

“I’m sure she’s happier anyway, no longer having to chomp at the chocolate starfish; these days she just has to give it a little kiss.”

Mr. Bullshit – get the Boris mug HERE!

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