Friday 21 January 2022 by Lucas Wilde

Bat Out of Hell roars into heaven on a silver black phantom bike


Meat Loaf

Meat Loaf has rocked up in heaven on a motorbike this morning.

The legendary musical artist and actor has died at the age of 74, leaving behind an astonishing collection of songs including Bat Out of Hell, Dead Ringer for Love, and I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That), as well as being partially responsible for most of your dad’s speeding tickets with music you can’t help but put your foot down to.

Roaring past Saint Peter and ramming clean through the pearly gates, the inimitable Meat skidded to a halt in front of a giddy crowd of angels, grinning “I guess heaven couldn’t wait anymore!” and sending the crowd wild.

“Where’s God? I hear he wants my autograph!” joked the legend.

“Hey you know what, gimme a mic, we’re here for eternity, we’re gonna party! This is a little ditty you might know, and it’s for all of you in heaven in the shiny Cadillacs, this is Paradise by the Dashboard Light!”

“Ohhh I love this one,” gushed heaven resident, Simon Williams.

“It’s like fifteen minutes long and it’s just JOY. I remember dancing to this with the girls when I was a kid.”

At which point, God burst out of his office in a black leather jacket screaming, “YEAAAAHHHHH!

“His name ain’t Robert Paulson! That dude is MEAT LOAF, DUDE!” grinned the deity, before getting up on the stage.

“GOD, everybody!” grinned Meat Loaf.

“Hey man, you got the long beard, you got the shining eyes, but I was expecting a robe instead of a leather jacket!

“But two out of three ain’t bad, baby!”

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