Thursday 20 January 2022 by Chris Ballard

Where is all the cheese and wine? asks Christian Wakeford at first Labour meeting


Christian Wakeford first Labour meeting

An MP who defected from the Tories to Labour is wondering where the hell all the cheese and wine is.

Christian Wakeford defected to the Labour Party yesterday. However, he’s beginning to think he made a terrible mistake.

“I left the Conservative Party due to a dangerous lack of leadership,” he said. “Knowingly breaking lockdown rules and then lying about it is simply unacceptable.

“But I had no problem with a drinking culture, per se…

“I had my first Labour work event at nine o’clock this morning – I therefore had a light breakfast to ensure I’d have plenty of room to have a bloody good go at the cheeseboard.

“When I arrived at the rather drab office, I was ushered into a small conference room. On the table was a jug of tap water and some stacked paper cups.

“An assistant came in and handed me a sheet of paper. ‘Oh, I’ll just have the Pinot Noir,’ I said, assuming it was the wine list.

“’Oh, no, sorry, this is the agenda,’ he said, and left the room. I glanced at the sheet – it was a numbered list full of policy areas and other boring work stuff.

“I then realised that this was probably some sort of jape. I was, after all, the new boy – initiation hijinks were only to be expected.

“But then a dozen other Labour MPs filed in and everyone just talked about how we could make the country a better place  -for nearly three hours!

“At the end, I turned to the lady on my left and asked where the meeting cheese was.

“She looked confused. ‘Cheese? There isn’t any. Sometimes Keir brings pastries in on the last Friday of the month, if that’s what you’ve heard about?’.

“My God, what have I done?”

Mr Bullshit – get the T-shirt HERE!

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